It’s a powerful song with a powerful message, and my fear is that when I “identify” with it so publicly, I’ll have questions abound. WHAT? Shara? YOU? Feeling bruised? marginalized? I can hear it now, “Shara, what in the world would cause you to think that way or feel that way!??”
Let me explain. You see, my hope and goal is to project joy and confidence….And admittedly, that more often than not, that’s an accurate portrayal of who I am. But I, like others, have my own challenges…and standing where I am NOW makes how I felt in the PAST seem like a stark difference from how I feel now. So “opening up” to say that I’ve felt “pushed down”, “Sad”, “Stuck” in my past (and I still have my moments in the present) may surprise some people.
Also, I have a lot going for me. In our culture, someone “like me” “shouldn’t have” anything to worry about or feel sad about, right? What in the world would I have to complain or feel marginalized about? I’m employed, I’m WHITE, I’m healthy, I’m able bodied, I have friends and family. What’s to feel bad about, right?
Good question. My answer: I’m human AND you’re human. I think we all feel marginalized, pushed down, sad, stuck, and maybe like you want to hide in one way or another at some point in time. We feel we have things to hide from the world, things we’re afraid to show for fear of being judged or rejected. That’s why I think it’s important for each of us to say that even though the outsides, may send messages of joy, confidence, and “put-togetherness”….there have been and/or are feelings of “hiding” and “covering up” parts of who we are.
As I enter into a new phase of my life, I want to come out of that shell of hiding and start talking. About my past, about my present, about anything that I think could help another person out of that place of hiding and into the sun. I use a “before and after” thought process because my “This is Me” feelings have only recently begun to surface and bubble over. I can’t really explain why or how…things are just…DIFFERENT. And in that DIFFERENT, I believe God is moving me into a different place of self-acceptance, strength, and confidence. If I had all of those things in some way, shape or form BEFORE (yet still was hiding)….well, things are going to start looking a lot different as I begin to share more of me than I ever have been before.